Don't Form in the Wet Sand
by lakergirl4life
Summary: Paige and Mike have different ideas about the future. One wrong decision can wash everything away...


**A/N:** Oops - didn't realize this originally posted in HTML formatting. It should be fixed now...thanks to the person that alerted me to this. On a sidenote, is there some Graceland fanfic writing community out there that I don't know about? If so, can someone point me that way? If not, I'd love to try to organize one for interested writers - coming up with prompts and/or challenges - if you're interested, PM me.

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"You're overreacting, I'm just dehydrated or something," Paige insisted, irritated that Mike insisted on bringing her to urgent care because she fainted. She supposed she should be grateful she talked him out of a trip to the ER. "It's not like I hit my head or anything. I probably got that flu that's going around." She tossed her forms down on a table, intent on ignoring them. "Johnny mentioned something about feeling warm yesterday." After hitting the gym, but right now she'd sell out Johnny to get out of here.

Mike grabbed her paperwork and started filling it out for her. "You passed out twice. I've known you for two years and I've never seen you pass out before. After you get a clean bill of health, you can make fun of me for overreacting," Mike firmly stated, his tone leaving no room for discussion.

"I skipped breakfast," she meekly said, trying to come up with a plausible excuse but as much as she hated to admit it, Mike was right - she never fainted. But she was also eager to pass this off as nothing. The past few weeks she had been feeling run down, all she wanted to do was sleep for a week.

"I'll even do your chores next week," Mike offered. "Humor me."

"Two weeks and you have a deal."

"Two weeks, you're on."

Mike went back to filling out her forms and she gently placed her hand on the back of his neck, rubbing her thumb in small circles as a silent apology. Mike turned to look at her and gave her a small smile before returning to her paperwork. She was horrible when she was sick. Stubborn. Not used to having someone take care of her. She was so used to being on her own. She wasn't used to being in a relationship with someone that genuinely cared for her.

"Ms. Arkin?"

"Did you tell them we're agents?" Paige whispered, standing. The main reason she hated going to the hospital or urgent care was because she hated waiting around. The waiting room wasn't overly crowded, but they had barely been here. She was positive there were people who were worse off than she was.

"I might've flashed a badge. Do you...I can wait - "

Feeling a little guilty for not having to wait, but wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible, Paige reached for Mike's hand, "My boyfriend here is overreacting. I fainted, it's not really a big deal. If you could just tell him I'm fine - "

"Why don't we go into an exam room?"

The nurse led them down the hall and into an exam room. Paige hopped up on the exam table and Mike sat down next to her as the nurse put on a pair of latex gloves. "What brought you here today?"

"I fainted."

"Twice," Mike interjected. "She fainted once this morning and insisted she was fine. Then she fainted again and it took her a few minutes to come out of it and she couldn't stand at first. Paige never faints."

"I skipped breakfast this morning. I'm sure that's all this is."

The nurse ran her fingers along her throat, "Nothing feels swollen. Any soreness? Congestion?"

"None."

"Any nausea? Lightheadedness? Cramping?"

"Some, but - I work long hours. I haven't been eating regularly, I should be drinking more water. Less caffeine. Coffee dehydrates you, right? I drink a lot of coffee."

"Is there a possibility that you're pregnant?"

"Pregnant?" Her eyes widened as she turned to look at Mike. Technically, she was on birth control, but she didn't take it as regularly as she should, constantly missing pills because of her schedule. It didn't help that they stopped using condoms once it became clear they were more than a summer fling. That was almost a year ago. She had been meaning to make an appointment with her doctor to talk about getting an implant, but she hadn't gotten around to it. "Yes, that's a possibility," Paige quietly said, trying to keep her voice from shaking once she realized she was at least three weeks late for her last period. She had never been regular and her schedule didn't help matters. When she was late, she didn't freak out. It wasn't uncommon that she skipped a cycle. But maybe that wasn't what this was.

"I'm just going to draw some blood and I'll send it down to the lab."

Paige nodded, not trusting her voice. She reached for Mike's hand while her blood was being drawn and a few minutes later they were left alone in the exam room. The moment they were left alone, the tears she had been holding back started streaming down her face. She wasn't normally this emotional. But it wasn't every day that she found out she could be pregnant. What if pregnancy hormones were making her cry?

Mike stood, gently tugging on her hands to get her to stand before wrapping his arms around her. "Whatever happens, it's going to be okay." Mike kissed the top of her head, tightly hugging her.

"I can't be pregnant right now. If I'm pregnant, I can't do my job. I can't be undercover. I'd have to leave Graceland. I can't - "

Mike pulled back slightly and touched her chin, forcing her to look up at him. "We don't know for sure yet. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"But, Mike..."

Mike kissed her forehead, "One step at a time, okay?"

How could he be so calm right now? Why wasn't he freaking out? What was going on in his head? Was he excited or scared? Did Mike even want kids? Did he want kids with her? What if he didn't want kids? "But if I am..." Paige paused, not even wanting to say the word again. As if saying it too many times would bring it into existence. "What do you want?"

"It's your choice. I won't force you - "

"Force me? To what? Have the baby? Get rid of the baby? This isn't just my choice." Although Mike challenged her in ways that no one else could, he had this habit of giving into her. This wasn't them picking what restaurant to get takeout from or what movie to go see. She couldn't make this decision for the both of them. She needed to know what he wanted. Needed to know if he could live with what she decided. Or if it mattered if he couldn't. She was all over the place emotionally and unable to take Mike's words for what they were, so all she could do was pick them apart.

Mike rested his forehead against hers, absentmindedly running his fingers through her hair, trying to get her to calm down. "I want kids," Mike quietly admitted. "With you. But not now. But if this is real, if you're pregnant - I want you to know that no matter what, we'll find a way to make things work. Whatever happens, we're in this together. You're not alone. Whatever we decide, it's your choice. It's your life. Your career. Your body."

"Your baby," Paige whispered, as tears started streaming down her face again. She couldn't do this. She couldn't sit here and pretend she was happy when she was freaking out. She needed to be honest with Mike, not give him false hope. Not set him up to be disappointed. "You asked me what I want. What I want..." Her voice trailed off and she continued with a shaky whisper, "...what I want is, I want this to go away. I want this to not be happening. I'm a horrible person, go ahead and say it. I know you're thinking it. You hate me."

Mike took a deep breath and hugged her tighter, "I don't hate you. I could never hate you." Mike pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, "I love you, nothing changes that. And what you want - it's honest."

"Honestly horrible." How could he be so wonderful right now? She just confessed to not wanting this baby and he wanted kids. He wanted this kid. Not some hypothetical kid five years down the line, but this kid. Why wasn't he angry? Why was he so perfect? The guilt started setting in as she realized how good of a father Mike would be. Patient. Kind. Disciplined but not too strict. Loving. Generous. Amazing. "I'm sorry."

Mike brushed away her tears with his thumbs, "We don't know."

"I'm scared Mike. I'm so scared. I don't - I don't know how to do any of this." There were days she barely remembered to eat, how could she be in charge of another person?

"I don't either, but we can learn," Mike whispered, his voice pleading and cracking a little. "I know it's scary and everything would have to change. Where we live. How we work. I would go back to working a desk job. I won't work undercover if you can't. It's not fair to you. It wouldn't be safe."

"I don't - I don't know," Paige tearfully confessed. Everything was happening too quickly. She wasn't even sure if she was pregnant and Mike had them getting reassigned to desk jobs and moving out of Graceland. He probably already picked out a name. It was too much to process all at once.

"Ms. Arkin?"

Paige froze when the nurse reentered the room. Mike moved so he was standing behind her, lightly rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

"The pregnancy test came back negative. It sounds like you may have just been dehydrated. There is a flu strain going around right now, make sure to get plenty of rest and fluids. If this continues, make an appointment with your doctor. But my guess is that you should be fine in a few days. Do you have any other concerns?"

Paige quickly shook her head, trying to process the fact that she wasn't pregnant. Paige closed her eyes, leaning back against Mike's chest. "Get me out of here."

Mike looked down at her with tear filled eyes and nodded.

They drove up the coast for about an hour, needing to get away to try and sort through everything. She and Mike were walking along the beach, each lost in their own thoughts when Mike finally broke the silence.

"Talk to me," Mike quietly said, squeezing her hand.

Paige stopped and waited a few moments to gather her thoughts before beginning, "I got what I wanted. I wanted this to go away. To have it not be real. To have nothing change. To not have to make any difficult not have to worry about disappointing you. Or a kid. Or worry about having to live with any regrets because I made the wrong decision. I got what I wanted. God, Mike, I'm not ready to be a mom. I'm not even sure if I want kids. But for those few minutes, it was real. And now it's not, and if it's what I wanted - for this not to be real, tell me why I feel so empty."

The nurse told her she wasn't pregnant. She should've been relieved. Ecstatic. But she started having all these flashes of what could've been. Arguing with Mike over nursery colors. Sending him out in the middle of the night to get ice-cream. Holding their little boy for the first time. Rocking him to sleep in the middle of the night. Teaching him to swim. Surf. Little league games. Mike would probably have him reading by the age of three. She never fantasized about being a mother. But for those few moments, she wondered what their life could've been like. It felt so real.

Mike took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Sometimes, you don't know how much you want something until it's not real."

"Mike, I - "

Mike pressed a kiss to the top of her head, lightly resting his fingertips on her lips to silence her. "I'm not saying you want a baby now or even a few years from now. I want kids, but I know now's not the time. But somewhere down the line, it could be."

She had been so pre-occupied with how she was feeling, she hadn't even wondered how this was affecting him. If she was feeling this empty and disappointed she couldn't even begin to imagine what this was like for him. She kissed him softly. "I'm sorry," Paige whispered. "You wanted this."

"Don't apologize." Mike brushed her hair back from her face, sadly smiling, "Someday. Not today."

Kicking off her sandals, she motioned for him to do the same. She waited until he was done then grabbed his hand, running into the ocean, stopping a few feet from the shore. Mike's arms wrapped around her, steadying her and she leaned into his embrace. Looking up, she gave Mike a shy smile before whispering, "Someday."

THE END


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